I had another realization the other day regarding happiness.
You know, it's amazing what you realize when you pay attention.
Well, I mean, I pay attention and realize/notice things.....I just have an involuntary habit of forgetting things (almost immediately).
Anyway....
As far as me being uncomfortable with feeling happy, I noticed that I get really pissed off and irritated when people are nice to me. It just genuinely disgusts me.
What is my problem, seriously??
I have been trying to figure out why I get so mad when someone is treating me nicely or saying nice things to me (generally speaking...not in an overdone way).
I'm sure it has to do with not being used to being treated kindly in the past. But, still....you would think someone used to cruelty would be welcoming to kindness. That it would be like a breath of fresh air!
But, no.
I, honestly, don't think I'll ever come up with an answer to that question. I don't think anyone can come up with an answer to that question...no matter how many years of education and experience they have studying human behavior and the mind. Some things are just too abstract to understand and comprehend.
Isn't it just strange how some people get so used to being treated poorly that they can't even enjoy being treated the proper way (the way every human being deserves)?? They run away from nice, but stick around for mean!
There really is no point to this entry. I guess I just had a thought and wanted to just put it down on "paper". I'm know I'm not the only one who feels this way. I just like to ramble on about complicated feelings and emotions in the hope that it may help someone understand something about themselves (sometimes someone knows that something isn't quite right about them, but can't put it into words). I'm not afraid of trying to explain something and sounding stupid.
My guess is that you're right, you become irritated when people are nice to you because you're not accustomed to such treatment. It's not familiar to you and is therefore uncomfortable for you. If you've become mostly familiar with being ignored or mistreated, you've learned how to respond to that kind of treatment and you haven't developed ways to respond to positive attention and kindness. The uncomfortability and not knowing how to respond are unsettling.
ReplyDeleteAnother guess is that whether or not you're accustomed to the positive treatment, you feel as though you must give something back to those who treat you this way. Maybe you don't know what to give or you just don't feel like giving.
In either case, I hope you find a way to open your mind (and, maybe, your heart) to the positive regard and kindnesses of others. Just receive them, and be willing to let them improve the quality of your day. Changing one's self or behavior can be hard and depends how motivated one is to change their life to something that is better, happier. You deserve a happy life.