Don't Think, Kim

I have come to the conclusion that me trying to THINK before writing is where my problem lies. I have sat in front of this damn computer for weeks...thinking. Well, and you see how far that got me.

I have so many ideas (good ideas, honestly) that I could have written a blog every single day since I started this...plus a whole volume of books!

Stupid me for thinking!

I may talk quite a bit about dealing with (or trying to deal with) stress. It seems to be an ongoing theme in my life (moreso than the average person). You'll also notice that I do LOTS of asides using the "()".

That's how I talk, too.

I deal with so much stress on an hourly basis. I do not exaggerate!

You'll learn more about that as time goes on.

The stress I handle is not "worry" stress. I learned how to eliminate that kind of stress years ago. It wasn't easy, though, believe me. I learned how to do that from my Dad. He was an ever constant worrier...until he had his heart attack at the age of 57.

The stress I live with (voluntarily involuntary) with due to the people that are around me. They seem to like imposing their life problems, stress, and crap upon me. The problem with me is that I let them.

Correcting that is a work in progress. Not necessarily an easy process, seeing as how it means eliminating certain people from my life. Some people are not that easy to get rid of (sometimes due to their type of and level of dumbness).

Again, another topic to discuss over time.

 Look at this....

I wrote all this in less than an hour...because I wasn't thinking. Or, rather, I wasn't trying to put more thought into it than I should. That is my obvious problem.

I guess I want to impress folks with my writing...which is so unlike me because I do not go to any length to impress anyone. I am me (unfortunately). This is who and how I am. I will not change who I am as a person. So, if you don't like how I am, that's too bad for you. \If you change because someone wants you to, you're just a liar (to others AND yourself).

So, me and my non-thinking brain will be back sooner than we were this time!

Living with Pain

Hi.
You will learn, eventually, that I have a lot of "problems". I always say that from the neck down, I'm healthy. It's from the neck on up where I have all my problems. 
Aside from the lovely depression, anxiety, PTSD, etc that I have been blessed with, I, also, suffer with migraines and tension headaches. It sounds just lovely, I know.
I guess I could say that I live with chronic pain. But I don't ever say that. I don't know why. I guess I just like for people to know that all the pain is specifically located in my head....so that if I seem to be stupid, they understand why.

Ok. Now I'm just trying really hard to be funny.

I do have tremendously painful migraines and tension headaches. I've been seeing a neurologist for about six years. Prior to that, I lived with headaches for seven years. I just thought I had bad sinuses...seeing as how I had infected sinuses and had sinus surgery when I was 18 years old. 
I went to an ENT, and everything looked normal to them. They sent me to a neurologist. I didn't understand why at the time.
Apparently, I had the type of migraines that produce mucus and such. So I had pretend sinus problems...it was really migraines.

So here, six years later, I still have some of the worst pain imaginable on a daily or weekly basis. I have tried so many different medications, muscle relaxers, injections. At the moment, I am taking the Aimovig injection (took my first injection yesterday). We'll see how this works. Nothing can make me feel any worse than I do now.

The point of all this is to explain why I am sometimes absent from writing anything...horrible pain (that and just not knowing where to begin with a topic). 

We can add chronic pain to the list of things I'll discuss.
I just have to get my act together. I can't become a world renown writer and blogger if I'm sitting here not writing and blogging.

Not that it matters right now, anyway, because I have no audience.

The Complexity of Domestic Violence (Part I)

As I mentioned eons ago, October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month.
Not everyone has experienced domestic violence, but I'm sure most people have heard about it. 
I am well aware that one of the first thoughts that come to mind when hearing about a domestic violence situation is, "Why doesn't the victim leave the abusive partner?".
I used to think that too. When I was young, and stupid I used to watch smutty daytime talk shows. I would think to myself, "Why is this lady or man with that loser? I would never let that happen to me.". 

NEVER in a zillion years would I have imagined that I would be in a similar situation!

There are so many different aspects of domestic violence, and of a domestically violent relationship, that there's no possible way for it to be entirely discussed in one "sitting" (hence the "Part I)". There isn't even an "entirety" when it come to the subject because it is constant, ongoing, and always evolving and taking on different forms.
You don't even realize that you're in a toxic relationship until it is too late. But, in reality, it is NEVER too late to break away from a toxic and violent relationship...physically, or mentally, or emotionally. 
That is the true reality. Although the reality we convince ourselves is otherwise. But, those lies which we convince ourselves that are true, are only there for life to make sense, and for some feeling of false peace. 

I'm thinking of, perhaps, discussing one aspect or subject of domestic violence at a time. It may take a while for me to perfect the way I talk about it here in blog form. I could write a book. I've been wanting to write a book. But, as I said, the subject is too complicated to be summarized at all.

I'll figure it out.

In the meantime, I will intermittently prove to all that I am not a vessel that is merely filled with whining, complaining, moaning, and groaning.
I am quite the funny individual, to be honest. 
To be honest, I am, also, the most honest individual. My memory is too bad for me to lie. I'm lucky to remember where I park my car...in my driveway.
*Funny, right?*

In the meantime, I will try to file my brain in an organized fashion. But, I'll warn you, that my mind hasn't been organized since 1981.

So, please, accept my advanced apologies for my occasional randomness and bouncing around.

October Is a Month for Awareness

Hi.

Every month is an "awareness month"...multiple "awarenesses". I am not complaining. There are several topics that need more awareness brought to them.

There are a couple of topics that are near and dear to my heart are: National Bullying Awareness Month, National Domestic Violence Awareness Month, and National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month.

These are all topics that I have experience in, unfortunately.

I started my blog a little too late to discuss National Suicide Prevention and Awareness Month back in September. But, I'll have time to during this month, I'm sure (there is a whole twenty seven days left).

I want to apologize in advance if it ever feels as though I am whining or complaining when it comes to these (or any) topics. My main goal is to give factual accounts of what it's like to "live" through these sort of events, feelings, emotions, etc.

The facts and events are objective. The feelings and emotional outcomes of said facts and events are, obviously, subjective. But, I will do my best to explain them as realistically, as understandably, as vividly, and in the most relatable way I possibly can. 

People who live through atrocious acts sometimes have difficulty finding the words to explain everything they have endured. 

I have been gifted a wonderful way with words (most of the time). I have been cursed to have lived through crappy situations.

I may as well try to unify the two.

Pardon the Interruption

Hi again.
I apologize for disappearing after only one blog entry. I have been in the extremely slooowww process of moving. As usual, everything that was out of my control was last minute.
I mean, what fun would it be if everything worked according to a somewhat planned time table??

I found out on September 24th that I could finally move. I had everything completely moved on September 30th. It took me a while, seeing as how I'm not the biggest person. Short legs and short arms can only do so much.

I have been without television and internet since September 30th. I feel so primitive. October 7th I'll be back in business, so to speak. 

I guess I picked the wrong time to start a blog. But that just figures. It's not the greatest first impression...but is quite memorable and standout-ish. I sure don't mind being different. 

Anyway, I just figured out how to use the internet connection from my phone on my computer (I'm not the most tech savvy person).

Well, I shall return. Soon. I promise.

Hello Folks!

Hi!
I have been staring at this blank space for a few days now, and nothing has magically appeared.
Apparently, as with most things in life, the first blog is the most awkward.

Right now, I have had a horrible headache for three days, and it hasn't gotten any better. That certainly is not helping with my concentration.

In my blogs, I hope to address some things that many people choose to ignore, or deny because they're afraid of being judged. I am so not afraid if being judged...because I don't care about others' opinions of me (nobody can dislike me more than myself, anyway). I have come to have experienced so many "problems", and been through so many not good situations, that I want to try and help others. I want to either prevent people from making the same mistakes I have made, or try to help them work through similar situations that I have been through (or am going through).

I have struggled a lot lately with trying to figure out "what to do with my life". I have so many interests that it's difficult to choose just one thing!
However, I have been greatly affected by so many events and experiences in recent years, that I decided that if I have to live with and suffer with all this crap, then I am going to do what I can to help others suffering through the same crap. That would give me a bit of a purpose in life. If I have to suffer, I may as well put a good spin on it.

Alrighty.... 
I suppose that's a good way to end this awkward torment.
Eventually I'll find my rhythm and flow here. 

Have a great day/evening/night (depending on where you are).